Alternate Title: Hill of the Monkey’s – The Molestation of Bubbles
It was raining, hard. We were finishing up breakfast at like 7:30 a when the email canceling our fishing charter came in. This was the plan until around 6pm for the day, so now what.
My room hadn’t been cleaned since we got there so we headed to Godoloju’s room to try to figure out what we were going to do for the day. After several smokes and a couple of beers later, we decided on going to see Monkey Hill. We found a Tuk-Tuk pretty quickly and we’re on our way. It was a 40 minute drive and it was a pretty uneventful ride.
Hill of the monkey’s
As the driver slowed to a stop, we could see a small parking area and a lot of stray dogs. Stray dogs are a thing in Thailand, idkwtf. The road continued up the mountain, but there was a little gate and a security guard directing our driver to park. We we jumped out and everyone was done using the facilities the driver or the security guard directed us up the hill. There was a small cement bridge that was maybe 60 feet across that went over a ravine with a trickle of water in it.
We were only about 100 meters into the hike up the hill, when I noticed the writing on the walkway on the right side of the road. It was a note in white spray paint that had two arrows, some numbers, and some letters. The arrows pointed up and down the hill. After seeing 3 or 4 of these notes, I figured out that it was saying we were 800 m into the walk, and 3.01 km from the end of the road. Half the party was already leaving me well behind (I’m slow and out of shape) and the others were only moving so slowly for my benefit. Between the 800 m and the next note, there was a small brick side area off the walkway with some exercise equipment on it.
This is as far as I got. My legs were already burning and all I could see was uphill in front of me. Everyone else continued up the hill to play with the monkeys. I walked back down to the parking area and hung out and waited for the guys. There was this crazy noise that happened 5 or 6 times while I was waiting, it would start off in the distance and then roll across the jungle like a wave, crazy loud. After the second time, I figured out it was some kind of bug, a beetle or something. Godoloju suggested that it was Cicada’s and that he’d heard something similar in North Carolina.
Since I wasn’t there, I can’t tell the story about how the monkey’s went, but I understand that Bubbles was nearly molested by a hungry monkey. Maybe one of the guys who was there can tell the story below.
They see movement
We still had a bunch of day left, so we asked the driver to show us his list of activities that all Tuk-Tuk drivers carry. Between his list and talking to him, we decided to go to a Cobra Show. 20 minutes later most of the group had pictures with a pretty good sized python around their necks and shoulders.
The next part of the show was them showing us several large pens full of snakes of multiple breeds. King cobra’s, another type of cobra I don’t remember, several pythons, and a few others. The snakes were cool, but the star of the show was a pet otter they had living in this area as a pet. It would hop along the top of the pens like it owned the place, and had no fear of humans, but wouldn’t quite let ya touch it. It was cute.
The final show was a snake charmer(?) show. It was surprisingly entertaining and we got a laugh off it. I’m not even going to try to describe the whole thing in text. I attempted to film it, but I had my go pro setup wrong so I got basically nothing. But Buchos videos are on point, I’ll post them below.
Mrs. Something Something
We got back to the hotels for dry shirts and to regroup and somehow decided to go to Hooters for dinner. Since it was a bit of a walk and raining, so we took another Tuk-Tuk. The waitress was showing us one table next to a family with a couple of children, so I asked her if we could sit down a few tables. She led us to nearly the end of this side deck on the building and sat us at the second to last table. Which I thought at the time was perfect, some of us smoke a lot and we can be loud. The original table would have been much better seating for the unexpected show we got after dinner.
We ordered too much food, but I think everyone enjoyed themselves. We were in a post-gorge stupor when a girl started to announce some type of contest between some of the waitresses. She was speaking over a loud speaker and it was a little hard to understand her, but a few seconds later from where we’re sitting, we can see some girls hiding behind a corner in very small bikinis.
One by one, each girl was announced and then would walk the length of the deck and strut their stuff a bit. There was 4 or 5 girls and all were very attractive, but the crowd seemed to favor the last girl specifically. Another was announced as Mrs. Something Something and the crowd seemed to think it was something special.
Each girl did two walks down the deck, and in between they sold roses where the proceeds all went to some charity I don’t remember. I think our group bought 3 or 4 of the roses to give to the girls. The last girl I think received most of the roses, the whole crowd loved her.
We’re going to be on Chinese Youtube
Speaking of the crowd, the deck we were sitting on and that the girls were walking on was next to a street, no sidewalk, directly next to the street. A crowd of maybe 30 people gathered, all with their cell phones out, recording the girls. There was a group of about 8 chinese girls that were very excited about this whole show, and I think based on the timing of when they showed up, had come specifically for this show.
The Glorious Marvelous Paisley Jacket
This was our last night in Patong, and we wanted to walk down Bangla road at least one more time so we decided to walk back to the hotel. Besides, TheGopher needed to pick up a sport jacket that he had been measured for earlier in the day. I’m hoping someone got a picture of this marvelous jacket, its loud, proud, and covered in intricate paisleys.
Some went to bed, some went to find another bar, and I went back to my hotel to regroup and to go find a massage, which I did.